Before I forget,

Breath in; breathe out; you’ll be fine.

You just need a break.

Daises tell the truth

Flower petals fall one by one

Oh, he loves me not.

We are on repeat

over and over again.

What insanity.

I hope your last breath

Is as sweet as the one after 

Your first kiss ended.

Listen, 

I know the sea is calling you down, 

and it’s getting dark out but

listen.

I know the shore looks far away,

and the ocean’s cold,  

but you have to listen.

Listen.

If a soul drowns out at sea,

and noone chooses to listen,

Does he make a sound?

Maybe if someone would fucking 

Listen.

You have to realize that you can swim.

Even when you get tire, just float.

You have worth-

        -even if noone bothered to look for it.

Please listen, 

The one day soon,

       TOmorrow, next week, next year,

 Someone will turn on the sun and

You’ll see you’re not alone out there.

Someone will throw you a line,

You’ll find a buoy,

Listen,

   One day you’ll

             be okay.

Sunk down with my back to the wall,

Cold, sad, and empty.

Sobs lining up in my throat,

I realize that things haven’t changed,

and it’s all my fault.

Sunk down with my back to the wall,

Silence fills my ears.

Darkness surrounding me,

I realize I’m not okay

and I can’t keep pretending to be.

Sunk down with my back to the wall,

I don’t have the strength to stand up,

Lonely and alone,

 I realize that maybe it’s for the best,

and I’ve lost this fight.

Sunk down with my back to the wall,

I reach up for something to grab,

Empty again,

I realized noone’s there to help me.

And noone ever will be.

These days are the worst.

1 You asked me why I hated

myself so much and all I could think

of was math. My body is an algebra

one equation. Y=mx+b

     Y= self-hatred

     m= body fat

     x= other people’s opinions

     b= how much I’ve eaten that day

(The numbers are usually too large)

2 “Your heart isn’t an anchor.”

Then why am I being pulled

into the sea? I’m sure the

ghosts that haunt sunken

ships want nothing to do with

my broken spirits. I am drowning 

in self hate and I’m still learning

how to swim.

3 Last spring was the 

first time she fell. God, she

fell. her love grew more

for a boy with every

letter written in the note she’d

give him during passing period.

He was everything. Her first 

love. Her notebook was filled

with illegible pages of love

songs and poems. Then, one day,

he left. He left her stranded

on an island alone and empty. 

She had to escape the reality

of loss and noone can crucify her

for her sins. She wrote novels

on her arms without remorse. 

She didn’t live long enough for 

anyone to read them.

4 It took god 7 days to

make the universe- seven

days he created everything 

there is. Heaven, people, animals,

demons, hell. He said “You have

free will, don’t mess this up.”

That’s like giving maggots a carcass

and telling them not to feed.

It’s the nature. So we 

got hell. Some say it’s underground.

Some say it’s fake. It’s not.

If it was, I wouldn’t 

have found it nestled

in my head like a tumor.

Slowly infecting me, killing me.

I’m sorry, sorry, sorry.

5 If we spend the night

together, I would get 

lost trying to read the

map inscribed on your

back from the summers

spent shirtless working 

on your car. I’d try to

heal the bruises that

never left when you fell

off your bike for the 

first time. I’d glue back

together that broken

heart of yours. I’d bring 

bandages for your skinned

knees you got from roller-

blading with the one who 

broke your heart. I’d make 

you realize skinned knees

hurt less than broken 

hearts.

I speak of religion a lot because I don’t really understand it.

In science, if you don’t understand something, you use the scientific method. My seventh grade science teacher is rolling in his grave because I never bothered to memorize what the step to the method are. Something like: explain, hypothesize, experiment, conclude, analyze. I probably said that wrong anyway. He was my favorite teacher. My Sunday school teacher was a dick. He believed in and heaven and lord did he believe in hell. He taught me Jesus died for my laments and I should be thankful, but let me tell you, can you listen to a preacher who is greedy, can you forgive a murderer? I hated catholic school. Everyday we prayed god would have our backs, but he wasn’t there for me when my “friends” stabbed it or when grandma took her last breath saying “Lord help me.” Did he help her? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t think I’ll ever under stand it.

I want to go sailing, like a lot. Just go out into calm waters alone and stay for a while. Just lay there on the deck and watch the offing until the sun kisses the shore and the moon comes up. Then I’d lay there and watch the stars. I would see the sun come up, sunrise, I wouldn’t need foods or drinks. I would eat the waves as they crash and drink the sky. My lungs would breathe the air of the free. The loudest noise would be the breeze screaming me along. I wouldn’t need people. They would call to me, pleading for me to return. I wouldn’t listen. I would sail further from the shore line. The water calls me. It’s crying to meet me. I want to go sailing and forget the world.

It’s wonderful to realize that I’m not alone in this infinite universe, even if the majority of this existence has felt like a one man wolf pack.